Another Cheesy Thing

“How’s your life?” is one thing that crossing my mind at that time. I had been staring the monitor for very long minutes. I was glaring to a group of alphabet, a word that made me so miserable: search.

Even until this very day, I always think about you. Do you know how was my reaction when I heard that you were so close to a girl in your class? I was surprised, even I cried. That’s ridiculous, isn’t it? But then I thought, maybe it is the best for us. Suddenly I felt like I wanted to ask you directly. At that time, I was really expecting that the news was true, that you had fallen in love with another girl. I already prepared myself. But you said that you just consider her as your close friend. It made me disappointed and happy at the same time. I was very disappointed because I was preparing myself for nothing, but in the other hand, I was happy because you still told the truth to me. Did you really tell the truth? If it yes then does it mean that I still somebody to you?

Days later, I heard from a friend that you wrote something on your social media. You said that you want something in the past, but you thought that it is impossible to take it back. You questioned about whose fault it is. “Is it because of you, or is it my fault?” you wrote. It’s like you missed your old story. Well, I know it sounds more than ridiculous, but I couldn’t help to think: is it about our story? Is it about us? or did you miss me at that time?

And here I was, doubtfully and dumbly, staring at the monitor because of that stupid questions. There was a big confrontation in my mind. A voice in my mind said, “come one, you just want to know what happened to him. That’s all. You just need to type his name, watch, and then leave in peace. It’s alright, nobody will know this.”

But another one said, “you are playing stalker, eh? Aw that’s great, go on! What a pathetic creature you are! Have you forgotten about things that would happen if you do this?” I shook my head. “For God sake, you do not know? Aha! About uneasy feeling that you experience every time you see his name appears, don’t you remember it? It usually lasts for days, right? Do you want something like that to happen again?”

I sighed. It’s really hard for me. it’s hard even to see your name again. I moved my eyes from the cursed word. I scrolled the pointer to the x sign and clicked it quickly before I changed my mind again. I’ve decided. It is a past after all.